You down with DSC? Yeah, you know me! To be honest, in the beginning, Dollar Shave Club intimidated me.
“It can’t be that simple, can it? But I’m so used to getting completely reemed every time I need to buy a new cartridge of razors. How will I feel inside?” It was sort of like going to the DMV and they were suddenly serving ice cream or some shit, saying “Hi” to you, asking about your day…
I was so used to being degraded by the corporate razor entities that somehow I lost my self worth in the process, dawg.
But Dollar Shave Club restored me. And here’s how it works:
– You choose one of three blade options that you’d like to receive every month: The Humble Twin (two blades) for $1/mo, The 4X (aka “The Lover’s Blade,” with four blades) for $6/mo, or The Executive for $9/mo, and it’s stanky six blades per cartridge will leave your face cheeks as smooth as your ass cheeks.
– You get four blades a month (one per week, Einstein) and a free handle at no extra charge. Can you handle it?
– No fees, no commitments, no weird overseas 800 number you have to painstakingly call to cancel and speak to some Indonesian guy whose anglicized name is “Karl.”
– You can change razor plans at any time, and when you do, the new handle is free. You can also change the frequency of razor deliveries from monthly to bi-monthly. You know, just like your ex-girlfriend from college.
– Satisfaction is 100% guaranteed.
Want more than the greatest razor relationship of your life? Double your pleasure by adding the Shave Butter ($8), Post-Shave Moisturizer ($9) or One Wipe Charles ($4), aka “ass-wipes.” They are literally buttwipes, for adults like you and me. Well, more like you.
A few days after I placed my order, I received the package pictured above. And that was it. It was that simple. I opened the box, shaved and then I moved on with my life.
The Shave Butter was foamless and awesome; it actually moisturized my skin and effectively transformed the dread of shaving into the joy of softly wiping whiskers off my face.
My blade, The Executive (excuse me whilst I adjust my nutsac), was solid and metal, not plastic like I was afraid it would be. It was broad and sturdy, which is how I like my broads.
The buttwipes were alarming. There was a tinge of peppermint that definitely added a new sensation, and frankly, expanded my personal horizons for a measly $4.
“Shave time, shave money” and order a Christmas gift for the special man in your life. You won’t regret it.