I’ve been the commissioner of a fantasy football league called “Ouch My FUCKING Clavicle!” since 2006.
The full name of the league is actually “Ouch My FUCKING Clavicle I’m Pretty Sure I Broke It Again!” because that is what then-Chargers running back and yung stud Ryan Mathews presumably screamed after he broke his second clavicle the second time after completing a promising second season.
He missed the beginning of the season and killed some fantasy owners who took him high (because you had to). Then for their patience, he rewarded owners with a one TUD season in 9 starts.
I know this is an article about inappropriate fantasy football team names and we will get to those below (maybe more than you want). But you gotta recognize in advance this SHIT IS HARDCORE.
Before you read these team names just prepare yourself. I don’t know what you think “inappropriate” means but to us we mean mother fuckin’ high-level inappropriate.
Before you read these team names realize this isn’t a league populated by degenerates, the homeless, or your exes.
This league is filled with doctors, high-level executives and the like.
These are your brothers, sons, and husbands. Sure, there’s a couple guys who we “don’t know what they actually do,” but are like anyone else. These people are totally underwhelming in person – that I can assure you.
They walk around amongst us but you’d barely ever suspect their deepest desires. Desires that don’t go unspoken in our league chat or via inappropriate team names.
Clavicle! has always been about full self-expression. These people could be YOU.
Inappropriate Clavicle! Fantasy Football Team Names
Penis Inspector (back-to-back defending champ)
Captain Insano
Bruce Jenner’s Fupa
Buc Nasty
Dakin’ Off (Cowboys loyalist)
Cocksucker (graduated from Rookie Cocksucker)
The Boner Express!!! (TBE!!!)
Restaurant With Ted Danson
Cutty Come Back (#BearDown)
Castillo Nation
KnuckleDeepInThisLlama
The Five Kage
Those are current names.
What’s the grossest, most outrageous fantasy name we could make up?
It came down to 2 choices:
- DEAD BABY FUCKER!!!
- George Floyd Was High On PCP
Here are several from over the years:
WhoWnts2SmellMadonna
Irish Potato Gang
Furious Five Fingers
Sacks To Be Cutler
El Mexicutioner
Keep it Wet
Makin’ The Moist of it
Buttfuckin’
Get off my Peterson
I’ve Got TD’s!!
The Big Manti
The Penis Donut
DCarr4MVP
Superbowlboundniner
Hit Dez’s Momma
Tom’s Lot Lizard
My Partner’s A Whore
Droney Romo
Teledildonics
Zeke’s Rape Squad
Tard Squad
Veteran Cocksucker!
Unplanned S.T.D.
Sen. Ernie McKracken
Rookie Cocksucker
Dickface
CDC Lamb (#COVID)
Sophomore Cocsucker
Trumpsterfire
Jolly Good Rodgering!
BIG GAY GHOST SHIP
The Donation Team
Deshaun’s Massage Envy
With inappropriate fantasy football team names like that you gotta go hard AF on the division names. Here are some inappropriate fantasy football division names over the years:
Weinstein’s Wiggle Stick
Michael J Fox Cant Stop Shakin
Shorn Sac
Weinerville – Population: YOU!
Aaron Hernandezes Sex Buddies
CBOT Glory Hole @Ceres
Dustin Keller Exploded Knee
Brother Gang Bang
I Love Lamp!
RIP Tayvon Martin
Billy Cosby’s Rape Juice
Rae Carruth Baby Mama
Bruce Jenner’s Ballz
Lit n Gay AF
Dickface
Hit It From The Dak
HernandezNeckTieCO.
Louis C.K. Ginger Penis
Spacey’s Man Lover
Lauers Lovers
INSTANT AIDS
Epstein Didn’t Kill Himself
Hopefully you only puked on your keyboard because you were laughing so hard. Or just grossed out. Or you feel like whacking off.
We also have a group chat going. A sample from this AM:
“Jesus = RZV 4 SZN: Have you guys ever seen that vid of when Joe Paterno shit himself at the end of 2nd Q against Ohio State?
Team Buc Nasty: Lmao yes and it is amazing.”
It’s mostly just this mixed with Skeletor drinking wine memes.
Let us know YOUR most inappropriate fantasy football team names. If you’re sick enough, we may invite you into our league.
