Unemployed NFL Linebacker Justin Durant Applies At Chick-Fil-A

Justin Durant Chick-Fil-A Application
Justin Durant Chick-Fil-A Application

The economy is tough. Anyone who has looked for work recently can confirm this. It’s so tough that even current NFL linebacker Justin Durant, coming off of career highs in tackles (103) are looking for work, any way they can get it.

This week I received the following email from NFL linebacker Justin Durant’s agent:

“Paul

From my client Justin Durant: As you know, I am looking for employment.  Feel free to send my resume along to any prospective employers. http://bit.ly/justinsresume

NFL Free Agent Justin Durant Fills Out Fast Food Employment Application

Durant, a veteran NFL player with six years under his belt and all around cool dude, even went so far as to fill out an application at his local Chick-Fil-A.  Check it out:

“Justin Durant
123 Free Agent Lane
Detroit, MI 48101
March 15, 2013
Human Resources
Chick-fil-A
Corporate Office
5200 Buffington Rd, Atlanta, GA 30349

Dear Human Resources:

I am writing in response to your ad at the local Chick- Fil-A restaurant in Detroit regarding any open positions. I have a lot to offer your franchise, including 6 years of experience in the National Football League.

Some specific accomplishments include:
– 2012 season led my team in tackles
– Shadowed at MTV2 “The Week in Jams”
– 3x-MEAC Defensive Player of the Year at Hampton University

Career NFL statistics as of 2012:
Tackles
443
Sacks
3.5
Interceptions
2
Forced fumbles
2

Does this sound like the person you need? If it does, I am eager to speak with you. I’ve enclosed my resume for your review. I look forward to hearing from you. In addition, I was recently invited to New Your University Clive Davis Institute Music Boot Camp.

If you have questions, please call me at 1-800-HIRE-JUSTIN-DURANT. I look forward to hearing from you soon.”

I mean, any boob can see that soon, thanks to rule changes and general overall sensitivity, NFL defenders in general will be rendered obsolete as Roger Goodell’s thirst for high scoring, 228 to 221 games will consume anything in its wake.

But in the meantime, they are needed as badly as the world needs mechanics, Lindsay Lohan courtroom updates or the 2013 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament.

Is there any team who could use Durant’s services more than the Chicago Bears? After letting LB Nick Roach leave for Oakland via free agency and essentially shunning/low balling Brian Urlacher, easily the best MLB in the history of the franchise and announcing they wouldn’t resign him, Durant could start for the Bears right now and even pass on some insight into the inner-workings of division rival and his former employer, the Detroit Lions.

The Bears could sign Durant, a versatile defender who can play in the middle or outside linebacker positions, at a reasonable rate; the longer he lasts on the free agent market, the easier it should be to get a deal done.

And then, Justin Durant wouldn’t have to work for Chick-Fil-A or any other fast food vendor and the Bears wouldn’t be so naked at the LB position. If the Bears were having a dream right now about the impending 2013 season, it would be the one where they are naked in front of the entire school at an assembly.

Cover yourselves, Bears, in the warm, form-fitting clothing that is Justin Durant.

Epilogue:

Justin Durant didn’t sign with the Bears, didn’t have to work for Chick-Fil-A. He ended up signing with the Dallas Cowboys and played another 5 NFL seasons. He even started 12 games for the Atlanta Falcons in 2015 and his 82 tackles were 2nd most on the team.

Any 11 year NFL career in a league where players career typically last 3 or less, Durant made it happen for himself.

I’ve been a freelance journalist since 2000 and have had my work published via AskMen, Sports Illustrated, Bleacher Report, Busted Coverage, and Autotrader. I’ve done stand-up comedy. I'm a dad, youth soccer club President, and former team statistician for the oldest indoor football team in the world, the Omaha Beef. I own a design agency in Omaha, NE called lgx branding. I’ve married six couples in 10 years and my Marriage to Still Married ratio is 6:6. I always say, it isn’t so much about the “love,” as it is the tasteless jokes that became vows. I started the I-80 Sports Blog to have all the work I've published located in one place and to write about things I want to write about. I don't take anything too seriously and it is a real time saver.