Schick Quattro #UnitedWeShave Campaign Assaults Bearded Communists


For its latest campaign, Schick has taken a direct position against hipster douchebags. And I say it’s high time.

In recent years, the hipster population has exploded in the same way Ted Nugent says the deer population has, because there are no natural predators.

Society has embraced these wayward idiots in tight pants with ironic tattoos, such as a flying toaster or a piece of pizza.

But now, Schick has positioned itself as a hipster predator. No, not this guy, but the thought of the original Predator hunting down hipster doofuses in major metropolitan areas the way he hunted down Danny Glover in Predator 2, does get me a little excited.

The #UnitedWeShave campaign has very simple message – summer is better beardless. And not only is summer better sans beard, but so is America, which is why Schick is recruiting you to “Help Shave the Nation.” Schick also partnered with illustrator Alex Fine (whose illustrations pepper this article) to remind men of the dangers of celebrating summer with a full beard. 

#UnitedWeShave celebrates shaving, urging guys to buck beards and liberate their jawlines. Check out the film:

A beard says, “I’m lost. I’m taking some time out.”

The campaign is so badass, it would be easy to forget how effective the Schick Quattro Titanium is as a razor.

The Quattro features four titanium-coated blades that stay sharp to reduce irritation. A conditioning strip formulated with Aloe and Jojoba helps provide a smooth shave, and coats your skin immediately after you shave your chosen area. 

On the top rear of the shaving cartridge is where the edging blade resides. For tough to reach areas like under your nose or around the corners of your mouth, the edging blade is perfect.

With both the four blade setup and the edging blade, the Quattro ensures that you only need to go over an area once.

The Quattro feels solid in your hand. It is perfectly weighted and was ergonomically crafted for you to eliminate your current beard and the ghosts of that chinstrap beard you rocked in the late 90’s.

To put the Quattro to the test, I shaved with it at three different stages of growth – a week, three days, and one day.

My initial use of the Quattro came on the seventh day without a shave; dangerously close to Beard Country. I lathered myself in Schick Sensitive Shave Gel and had at it. And it wasn’t painful at all, which normally isn’t the case, particularly around my upper lip area. There were also no nicks or scratches.

Three days of growth was no match for the Quattro. It sliced through my unwanted whiskers like the blade of Ted Nugent’s buck knife through the throat of a mortally wounded deer.

One day of growth was actually pleasurable and made me feel energized. And even though I wasn’t hurrying through my shave, the process was swift and clean.

Marines, firefighters, jet pilots… tax auditors. Four compelling reasons real men don’t need facial hair.

Check out four blades of awesome righteousness at schick.com and discover a jawline so sharp it can only be handled with oven mitts.

Show your support via #UnitedWeShave.

I’ve been a freelance journalist since 2000 and have had my work published via AskMen, Sports Illustrated, Bleacher Report, Busted Coverage, and Autotrader. I’ve done stand-up comedy. I'm a dad, youth soccer club President, and former team statistician for the oldest indoor football team in the world, the Omaha Beef. I’ve married six couples in 10 years and my Marriage to Still Married ratio is 6:6. I always say, it isn’t so much about the “love,” as it is the tasteless jokes that became vows. I started the I-80 Sports Blog to have all the work I've published located in one place and to write about things I want to write about. I don't take anything too seriously and it is a real time saver.