Have you ever killed a man?
According to Ed O’Neil in “Wayne’s World,” “If you stab a man in the dead of winter, steam will rise up from the wounds. Indians believed it was his soul escaping from his body.”
Whether you have or not, you’ll need something to get all that dried blood and gunk out of your hair afterwards.
Even if you aren’t sophisticated, you don’t have to smell that way too. So what if you are a single guy and a bag of knock-off Fruit Loops (Tootie Fruities) is all you’ve had for dinner the last two evenings, sans milk? Or if your house is absolutely littered with so many toys and pink clothes it looks like a five-year-old girl exploded? Or that, for some reason, an empty can of chicken you ate for dinner on Monday is still idling on the stovetop, less than three feet from the trash can?
The key is that no one needs to know the real you — they just have to be familiar with the nicely dressed, good smelling dude that appears when you exit the threshold of your house and show up for work.
“At its peak, the flattop was between 8 and 9 inches, but its ego was around 8 or 9 feet. When it got its own agent, I knew it was time for the flattop to meet its ever impending doom.”
