There is no feeling on earth like sliding into the $125 robe in your room at the Ritz Carlton after spending six hours on the most difficult obstacle course in the world. Wait a minute, did someone say “Carlton”? I thought they did.
The first time I ever heard Necro was the winter of 1999 in East Chicago, Illinois hanging out with a bunch of hip hop heads. While Britney Spears, Lou Bega and TLC were dominating the radio, these guys were listening to underground hip hop artists like El-P, Non-Phixon and Necro — all the time. And … Read more
It was Sunday night and I was less than an hour from seeing Queens of the Stone Age. “Is this going to be like seeing The Four Tops or The Drifters at the county fair, with only one remaining member, but technically still the Four Tops or The Drifters?” And I was nervous inside. Prior … Read more
Bobby Holland Hanton is the Michael Jordan of his profession. Hollywood’s top stunt double, Holland Hanton has doubled as Christian Bale (in “The Dark Knight Rises”), Daniel Craig (in “Skyfall”), Ryan Reynolds (in “Green Lantern”), and he recently filmed “Thor: The Dark World” with Chris Hemsworth. I asked the Dove’s Men + Care brand ambassador five questions about his career.
Image Credit: Rob Dolecki/DigBMX.com To put this adventure into perspective, I entered the Orlando Skate Park with the BMX wherewithal of the average nine-year-old in terms of understanding and the average 12-year-old in terms of athletic skills, all packed into a nearly 33-year-old frame of a “man.” Why didn’t I get into this shit when … Read more
In the days of yore, a gracious King ruled the land with no greater concern than the nutrition of his people. His rule afforded the people a nutritious, multi-vitamin laden cereal and they, in turn, overlooked his penchant for scarves. The sweet monarchy of taste appeased the citizens and they cried, “Alas, the King is … Read more
(Note: I wrote this article in March of 2006. Amazingly, I met and hung out with Ty Pennington at a NASCAR hospitality tent during the 2017 Daytona 500 and can confirm that he is a complete tool.) When God made Ty Pennington, he basically told all of us to go fuck ourselves. Why should Ty … Read more
Did you know that Livestrong bracelets are mass produced by parent-less, orphaned, child laborers who sleep in cages, deep within the seedy underbelly of downtown Tokyo?
You didn’t see Lance Armstrong thanking them after his 6th Tour de France victory, did you? No! But, I bet you saw him pimp these godless items in the name of cancer prevention and treatment, didn’t you?
One thing that I have learned about crazy old ladies is that typically, (and I would hate to make a sweeping generalization here) the longer their goatee, the more they are out of their mind. The stench of urine they emit also holds some type of bearing on mental stability, with the more pungent odor signifying less ability to function within the social constructs of civilization.
The building that I am currently living in is an exact replica of the hotel in the movie The Shining, starring Jack Nicholson. While that in and of itself doesn’t raise an inherent sense of fear, the thought of that combined with the thought of a 55 year old schizophrenic woman who drags around a laundry cart filled with heels of bread, walks with a limp and plays on the elevator until 3 in the morning, does.
The most questionable and single most objectionable event I ever witnessed was watching a kid with down syndrome win the air guitar contest at my 7th grade mixer.
Sure, it seems harmless enough, doesn’t it? Cram about 300 prepubescent 7th grade boys and girls in a small place and serve Coke, while a rented DJ played the top 40 hits of the day, such as Bon Jovi and the Spin Doctors. (I guess some of us were more like post-prepubescent because we had pubes and we could get a boner when exiting our desk if we weren’t careful.)